People on modelling forums are stupid – stop asking them for advice

So you can’t decide which photograph to choose from a set, or you think that there’s something missing from your portfolio. Maybe an agency has some odd terms and conditions, or you want to know how a photographer achieved a particular technique – modeling forums are filled with photographers and models who can probably chip in some helpful advice.

But then there are the people who are about to be evicted from their house, or are considering getting a gastric band, or have a child that’s joined the occult and sleeps upside down in the tree in the back garden – these are not things that you go to a modelling forum for. You will not get sound, helpful and knowledgeable advice on 90% of subjects – 1) because it’s the internet and  2) because you’re asking the wrong people.

Don’t believe me? Here are some recent examples:

I haven’t received my photos from a TF arrangement – what do I do? Send them an invoice for your time and take them to court! Drink their blooood! Ok, this will never ever work, and has never ever worked. This is something that asshats make up to say something that sounds important and dramatic. Nobody has ever done this, and the photos probably weren’t worth the hassle. Just move on.

A model no-showed – what do I do? Send her an invoice – that’ll show the heartless harlot bitch. And leave her a bad reference and a lit bag of poop on her doorstep. The bad reference is really the only reasonable piece of information here – the invoice and court shit is fantasy, again. Move on, and book better models.

I want to lose weight – how do I do it? Exercise is a myth, it won’t help you lose weight, and it doesn’t matter what you eat…just eat less. Utter. Shit. Clearly from someone fat. Usually accompanied by ‘you don’t need to lose weight’ and ‘you have great tits’.

Self defense tips (which weren’t actually asked for): Scratch them, run away, scream! Or if that fails, hit them with your handbag and tell your mummy! It’s actually pretty insulting to, oh, all women. You’re weak and pathetic – all you can do is scream. 

Where do I get a portfolio? Try W H Smiths. Really? Have you ever seen a modelling portfolio section in there? You’d think that this question would be answered reasonably, since it is actually related to modelling – apparently not.

I need some relationship advice – any advice: Dump them and do nudes. And you wonder why so many people on these sites are single…

I’m sure you get the idea. If you have a medical issue, go to a doctor. If you think you have a legal issue, go to your solicitor. If you have an issue with your other half, speak to them…or your friends…or your mum…not a load of strangers online. If you want to lose weight, get a personal trainer. If you want to know basic questions about the modeling industry, search this blog. Seriously – a lot of people (less on MM but many on the other sites) don’t know their ass from their elbow when it comes to agencies, portfolios or the actual modeling industry. Have fun on the forums, take advantage of the critiques because there are actually a few people who know their shit (usually the ones you think are being nasty), but don’t run to the forums like they’re your new mummy.

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